I'm patriotic because of how I order my sandwich.

Sandwich Artist: "What kind of cheese?"

Male Customer: "American! I don't want none of that Afghani cheese."

How far?

Woman at Wal-Mart to clerk: "Where would I find bar soap?"

Wal-Mart clerk to woman: "Back that way four aisles."

Woman to clerk: "Four miles?! I've already walked four miles and I'll be darned if I can find the soap!"